Extended Love

 As single mothers, we develop a heightened sense of family. With our family dynamics changing due to divorce, we tend to value the moments we share as mother to child far more than we did before. But what we also notice is the value that extended family members can add to our newly formed family unit.

 My brother made his annual trek back to Australia from Denmark. He’s been living abroad for ten years now, the majority of my daughter’s life. And yet despite the ocean that separates them, their bond is close. Skype and emails help, but it’s more than that. I recognise the important role that my brother plays in my daughter’s life and I encourage it to grow. My brother is a professional musician and both he and my daughter share a love of music. As much as I enjoy music, it’s not something I can sit and talk about for hours as the two of them can.

 We cannot be all people to our children. They need the input, guidance and worldly love from others that we trust, whether that is from our side of the family or our ex’s. It’s important for our children that we encourage those bonds for while we might be the strongest guiding light for our kids, we need not be the only one. For if we fall, their world would be in darkness.

 Grandparents can often be an extra spotlight. They form a fundamental base from which our children can gain a strong sense of who they are. It gives them a chance to see past their parents and deeper into the history of themselves. Sometimes as mothers we are too close, but the generational difference grandparents’ offer can give our kids a better perspective of life and the issues they face. Or they can just be a source of great fun, extra chocolate and hugs.

 Friends can also be a vital part of your newly formed family. I have a couple of very close girlfriends that I have encouraged my daughter to talk to should anything happen to me. I want to make sure she always has an avenue to express herself and I have chosen friends who I feel would speak as I do and who would mirror my views on life.

 Look around you and see who can offer your children extended love. Through all the pain of divorce, you can never have too much love and support around you or your children. Just ask. Most people are delighted and honoured to be part of your children’s lives.