Family is Family

Family_is_family_photo.jpgFamily is Family

There are so many more casualties in a break up than just yourself, your ex and your kids. Not that that isn’t enough; of course it is. It takes all your energy to deal with just that level of impact. But there are others who also suffer when a break up happens; the grandparents and extended family.

I’ve always had a good relationship with my ex’s family, despite (or maybe in spite of) the fact that they live 2500 miles on the other side of the world, in Italy. I think part of the reason is that I have always respected their role in my daughter’s life and I continue to do so years after my break up with their son.

Grandparents have always played a critical role in my life. I’ve been blessed with extraordinary grandparents. On both sides of my family, they have inspired me, made me laugh and always made me feel loved and safe, as a child and as an adult.  I want my daughter to have the same experience. So I have always made an effort to involve her Italian grandparents, not just my own parents, wherever I can.

Recently, I took it one huge step further. I took my daughter to visit them in Italy. We’ve just finished spending one whole week together under the one roof and although awkward on one level, it also felt natural to be there; a time warp of sorts. No matter what has transpired between their son and I, my daughter is their granddaughter and they love each other deeply. That love is what I wanted to respect and nurture. She also has many other cousins and aunts, all who adore her and she deserves to have a relationship with each and every one, should she choose. I didn’t want to remove that choice from her.

I think it’s important to ask yourself if your child would benefit from your ex’s family. If the answer is a resounding no, then let them go. But if you believe they are good people, embrace them for your children’s sake and tolerate a little discomfort. I did. It’s not easy sleeping under the same roof as your ex in laws…for a week. But it gets easier as time goes on.

It’s enough that our children lose the unity of their nuclear family. They really don’t need to lose the rest of their extended family as well. Family is family, regardless of a break up. I may be the ex-daughter in law, but they are her family and that’s all that counts.

 



Tags: wickis blog
Category: Your Kids

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