Move Forward with Father’s Day

Father's Day is this weekend and it's always a tricky one for single mums. Our kids may want to celebrate Father’s Day but we obviously don’t. So how do you manage it? With grace and dignity. It doesn’t matter what type of husband your ex was. The question you have to ask yourself is, what type of father is he?

Does he love your kids? More importantly, does he treat them well?  This is not about determining whether his parenting style is as good as yours or if he loves them more or less. Instead, it may help him? to look at him through the eyes of your children. Do they feel loved by him? Are they safe with him? Do they want to spend time with him? If the answer is yes, chances are he’s a reasonable Dad and if that’s the case, then your children need to celebrate Father’s Day, with your support.

That doesn’t mean you are supporting him on Father’s Day. It means you are supporting your children’s love of him. Those are two very different things.

Encouraging your children to make him a card, paint him a picture or if older, simply spending the day with him, is a healing approach. It will show your children that you have integrity and that you are dealing with the situation with style.  Your children will appreciate the calmness your attitude and actions bring to their relationship with both of you and will help take the awkwardness out of the day for everyone.

It will also help your relationship with your ex. What you need above everything, is to feel safe and calm when it comes to your ex. Encouraging your children to build their relationship with their father will be appreciated by them and quite possibly by your ex ( though you’re unlikely to hear ‘thank you’ from him).

So send your kids over with a smile, tell your ex and your kids to have a lovely time and enjoy the day for yourself. Father’s Day is a good day to remember what is most important in your life: your kids. Your ex did one thing right. He helped you create your most precious gifts. So every Father’s Day, say thank you to him for the gift of your children. Let the animosity slide, at least for this one day and let it be a day to let go of the past and move that little bit more forward. It may be Father’s Day, but it can also be a ‘Mother’s Moving Forward’ day. Enjoy it.